If you’re meeting someone new with the intent of dating them, you’re expected to bat an eyebrow when they tell you they don’t have any social media accounts. But does that necessarily mean a red flag?
If you’ve been pondering about this, then you’re not alone. Dozens of recent Reddit threads show that people have divergent views about dating someone with or without any social media footprint.
It could be that you’ve asked someone you’re interested in dating for their social media, or you want to do a quick background check before meeting them in person, and you’re worried that they have NO social media presence whatsoever.
Should you see this as a red flag about this person, or Does it give the “they’ve-got-their-shit-together” vibe? Here’s what we know:
Is not having social media a red flag?
Not having social media is not necessarily a red flag in dating. Some people prefer to maintain their privacy or have personal reasons for not using social media. It’s important to communicate and understand each other’s preferences and values rather than making assumptions based solely on social media presence.
On one hand, not having social media can be seen as suspicious or unusual in today’s interconnected world. Of course, it may raise questions about the person’s authenticity, social life, or intentions.
It’s not even out of proportion if you are worried that the absence of social media indicates a desire to hide something or that the person is not interested in sharing their life with others.
For instance, someone not having social media can be seen as a red flag when considering the prevalence of catfish accounts and people looking to cheat on their spouses. These people usually use the “I don’t have social media” line to hide the truth.
On the other hand, not having social media could be a positive situation. It could indicate the person’s desire for privacy, a focus on real-life connections, or a conscious decision to disconnect from the negative aspects of social media.
The way you want to perceive no social media = red flag is the same way some may find it refreshing to meet someone who values personal interactions and prioritizes quality time over virtual connections.
So, whether having social media is a red flag depends on the individual and their dating preferences.
This is why I recommend you communicate openly and honestly with the person to understand each other’s perspectives and motivations rather than making assumptions based solely on social media presence or absence.
Why people may prefer not to have social media?
The person you’re developing an interest in may not have social media for several reasons, making it illogical to conclude it’s a red flag rashly.
Consider any of the following reasons and reserve your judgment until you speak to them.
1. They have privacy concerns
Social media platforms often collect and store personal information, and there have been instances of data breaches and misuse of user data.
This is a valid reason, especially when you consider Go Verizon’s study that shows a growing number of people (81%) are concerned about their social privacy.
The person may prefer to maintain their privacy and limit their online presence to minimize the risk of their personal information being exposed or misused. Also, it may be outside their interest to share their daily activities online for privacy concerns.
As you already know, social media can be a very intrusive place.
2. They’re focused on time and productivity
As you worry about their lack of social media presence, you’ll agree that these platforms can be addictive and time-consuming.
Getting caught up in scrolling through feeds, liking posts, and engaging in discussions is easy, which can significantly distract from other important activities, such as work, studies, or personal relationships.
So this person might have chosen to abstain from social media to reclaim their time and focus on more meaningful pursuits.
It’s now unfair to wrongly judge this as a dating red flag when, in reality, it’s a green flag that underscores their focus and productivity as a person, which they can reflect in the relationship.
3. It’s not just their thing
If you’re a GenZ, social media has been around all your life. But people connected differently before the internet became the bane of communication and information, people connected differently.
So, you need to consider the person’s exposure and background to realize that social media isn’t just their thing.
As a millennial, I have been the best of both worlds. It is that social media gives me an insight into a person’s life, but the internet may not be their thing. You can use other avenues than their social media profiles to know the person more.
Ultimately, it may not entirely be about why they don’t know a social media account. What is most important is handling someone you’re interested in who doesn’t have a social media footprint and how to feel their personality without staking too much (time, commitments, etc.)
Is not having any posts on Instagram a red flag?
Having no posts on Instagram may or may not be a red flag in dating, and it ultimately depends on the person and their personal preferences.
While some people might perceive a lack of Instagram posts as suspicious or indicative of a hidden agenda, others may view it as a non-issue or even prefer it.
For some, an absence of Instagram posts could suggest that the guy is private, values real-life experiences over online validation, or simply don’t find social media appealing. The need for secrecy doesn’t automatically imply hidden motives.
Imagine you meet someone who has no Instagram posts but is actively engaged in conversations, shares stories about their hobbies, and interacts with you in person. In this scenario, the absence of posts would likely be irrelevant to your dating experience.
On the other hand, if you notice other concerning behaviors or red flags alongside the absence of posts, it might be worth investigating further.
For example, if they seem overly secretive about their personal life, refuse to share any pictures, or provide inconsistent information, that could be cause for concern.
The bottom line on this matter is that you approach dating with an open mind and not jump to conclusions based solely on Instagram activity.
This is why I tell people to focus on communication, shared values, and how the person treats you in real life.
How to handle guys without social media
If you’re interested in dating a guy who doesn’t use social media, there are still many ways to connect and get to know him. Here are ten helpful possible ways to handle the situation:
1. Approach him directly
If you have the opportunity, introduce yourself and discuss this in person. You can offer to do this at social gatherings, through mutual friends, or by joining activities where you might encounter him.
Through your conversation with the guy, you can know more about their personality instead of basing your assumptions on the details you’d get on social media.
2. Leverage mutual friends
Utilize your network of friends to see if you have any common acquaintances who could help facilitate an introduction.
If you and the guy have a mutual friend, this third person can provide insight into his interests and help establish a connection. And this doesn’t have to be on the internet.
Since you’re not able to do your inspection by scrutinizing their social media feeds, you can seek information for mutual friends who have insights into what the guy’s real lifestyle looks like.
3. Show interest in his hobbies
Find out what he enjoys doing and show genuine interest in those activities. This is another great way to know about him before fully investing in the relationship.
I take it that you want to consider the no social media = red flag theory because you have no basis for examining his lifestyle and opinions.
But by attending events or participating in hobbies that he’s involved in, you create opportunities for interaction and conversation that will reveal this information you hoped to have gotten off his social media account if he had any.
4. Engage in group activities
Instead of focusing solely on one-on-one interactions, suggest group outings or gatherings where you can spend time with him in a casual and relaxed setting. This can help foster a connection without the pressure of a formal date.
In my opinion, this is a more effective way to allow someone to reveal their true self than scrolling their social media feeds and making conclusions solely based on what you see or read.
5. Attend social events
If you’re a social media person, and you are more expressive over text on social media, it may be difficult to establish a connection with a guy you like who does not have a social media footprint.
In that case, watch for social events, parties, or gatherings that he might be attending. If you know of any upcoming events, try to be present and strike up conversations naturally.
This way, you don’t have to worry about his absence on the Internet. Instead, you actively engage with him on what’s real. The bonding becomes better that way.
6. Look for alternatives
Another way you can handle a guy without any social media footprint is to consider alternative ways you can know about him.
When you meet him physically, exchange contact information such as phone numbers. This can grant you access to his messaging apps and Whatsapp contact list, allowing you to view his ‘status’ on the green app and know about his lifestyle.
7. Try introducing him to a single social media platform
If you think it could be beneficial, approach it sensitively. Explain the benefits of social media to him, such as staying connected, finding new interests, and networking.
Also, share your positive experiences and offer guidance if he is open to it. You can get him to embrace being on social media by emphasizing control and privacy, assuring him that he can set boundaries and adjust settings to maintain privacy.
I recommend you introduce him to platforms aligned with his interests, showing him examples of valuable content and addressing any concerns he may have.
If you want to handle the situation by introducing him to social media, start with a single platform and respect his decision if he remains uninterested.
8. Be patient and respectful with the guy
Building a connection requires dedicated time and effort. Patience is key, so don’t rush the process simply because he’s not interested in sharing his information online.
Respect his boundaries, and if he’s not interested, gracefully accept his decision and seek alternative ways to build connections in the real world.
Wrapping up
In this present age, where over 4.9 billion people are using social media worldwide, it’s not out of place to give a side-eye when someone tells you they don’t have a social media account, especially when it’s someone you intend to date.
You want to decide whether to take the presumed red flag seriously and steer clear or believe it’s a sign that the person is emotionally mature and prefers to focus on real-life connections.
The bottom line is that not having social media is not necessarily a red flag, but it can be perceived as a red flag in dating for some individuals, while others may view it as a positive attribute.
The perception largely depends on your personal preferences because only you can set boundaries to what you are willing to put up with.
But if you think about it, relationships have better chances to be based on open and honest conversations when it happens without social media.
If you’re turned off by the person’s absence on social media, you should consider alternative ways to know about the person (physically) instead of rashly concluding that they’ve got someone up their sleeves.
